Amar Razali

Saturday, November 29 2008

Assalamu'alaykum Warahmatullah Wabarakatuh;

I have subscribed to the Marriage Revolution newsletter quite for a while now. (Note: That doesn't mean I am looking for marriage soon though.) One of the topics discussed in the recent newsletter was about "Who is Mr. or Mrs. Right?" What are the criteria? What should I not look for?

Well, since many of us who are in the youth age, with many obstacles, hurdles and so confused of defining free mixing and finding a true love thru Halal way, I think this topic will be very interesting to think about. This is NOT from my opinion though. It's from Shaykh Yaser Birjas who I believe many of us know. So this is what he said.

Ladies should make a decision, "If a proposal comes to me, I'm going to take it seriously. So, they have made the decision that I am going to consider marriage right now. Even if I'm not necessarily ready for it, I'm going to consider it seriously. Not that I'm going to say "no" immediately. No. I will consider it."

So, who is Mr. Right or Mrs. Right anyway? Is there even such a thing as Mr. Right and Mrs. Right?

To answer this, we have to consider a dichotomy over here; How do you do your selection? The dichotomy over here is between the best selection and the right selection. So, it's between choosing the best person versus the right person.

Many people have in their minds an image of the best person - the best selection. This is usually an imaginary image that does not exist in reality or if it does, then it is so scarce that the chances of finding that best person are very slim, taking into consideration the environment, culture, location, place of origin, how many people are in the community and so on. So this is something that is very difficult to get.

However, the right person might be around the corner - maybe your closest neighbor, maybe your cousin, maybe someone related to you or unrelated to you. The whole point here is that the right person is the best person and not necessarily the other way around.

We understand this from Hadith Jabir radhiyallaahu 'anhu, where he said:

"My father died and left behind seven or nine daughters, and I married a woman. The Prophet said: 'Did you get married, O Jabir?' I replied, 'Yes.' He asked, 'Is she a virgin or a matron?' I replied, 'She is a matron.' He said, 'Why didn’t you marry a virgin girl so that you might play with her and she with you (or, you might make her laugh and she would make you laugh)?' I said, 'My father died, leaving seven or nine girls (orphans) and I did not like to bring a young girl like them, so I married a woman who can look after them.' He said, 'May Allah bestow His Blessing on you.'"

[Sahih Bukhari, Vol. 8, Book 75, #396]

The Prophet was asking this question because Jabir radhiyallaahu 'anhu was a young man and he expected that he would marry someone of his age. Jabir took a pragmatic approach to marriage.

But at the same time he made a commitment. Even though she was older than him and she was not maiden, when he was coming back home, he was getting so excited to meet his wife. Meaning he definitely had some passion for her. He chose the right person and this is the pragmatic approach and Allah will always put barakah, bi idhnillaah, if you open your heart sincerely to that person.

So again, there is the best person and there is the right person. And I'm telling you: the right person is the best person for you and not necessarily the other way round.

If you like her, then marry her.

If you like him, just marry him.

People, unfortunately, expect to know the person fully before they get married. Believe me, even if you extend the engagement to 2 or 3 years just to get to know each other, once you get married, the level of your expectations is going to change completely.

How do you explain then those who marry after a very long drawn out relationship - probably since being high-school sweethearts, college sweethearts and so on, and then after a few months or a couple of days, they divorce? What happened to them? That doesn't mean that love is not important in marriage. Yes, it is important, but the perception we have of love is totally different and that is another subject in itself.

Here again, we should think of the right person, not necessarily the best person. The best person might not be there anyway, but the right person might be just around the corner.

The recommendation again is: if you like her, just marry her; if you go and propose and you see good qualities in her - not perfect qualities - just marry her. If you like him, just like him, then the same thing: just marry him. That doesn't mean once you see her, you propose and then you just go through with the marriage. No.

You need to have some period of engagement where you can get to know each other. Consider this period like a test lab where you go and start working with each other to see how much compromise and adjustment you're going to be making after marriage. So you expect adjustments, you expect compromises, and you get ready for them.

Another suggestion for brothers and sisters, my humble and sincere advice:

Do NOT see too many people before making a decision.

Many brothers go around and they have probably seen 10, 15 or 20 ladies and they still haven’t made a decision. Ladies receive 10, 15 proposals and they are still waiting for the best person. The more you see, the more confused you will become, believe me. This is because you’ll always go back and say: Oh my God, if this character was here, this character was there, if she was like the other person I saw and so on.

So you're going to be evaluating all of these qualities to customize your selection. Even if you put all your selections on a piece of paper; if you have seen 10 women for example, or maybe you have received 5 proposals, and you put all the proposals on a piece of paper containing all the qualities, you’re going to get even more confused when you start saying, "Oh my God, if this was here, and this was in this column and so on, that would be the best person."

Well again, that person might not be there anyway. So don’t see too many people. If you see someone that you like, go for it and Allah will put love and mercy between your hearts after you get married, insha Allah.

So for the sisters again, if someone proposes to you and you think that you like the person - not necessarily love him, meaning he's okay - use that period to get to know each other. See how much compromise you're going to be making with one another and if it works out, well and good. Otherwise, there is no obligation. Still the recommendation is do not wait too long and do not see too many people. Love is very important but we need to understand it as a practical word, not just as a lip service. It's not just sentiments and emotions; it's more than that because even those who loved each other before marriage might end up with an ugly divorce.

What's the reason? It’s because once they got married, that's when the reality of marriage hit them. Before that it was all about "I love you and you love me and we're just going to have the perfect marriage" and so on. People tend to forget but when they get married, they are hit with the reality of marriage. Never make failure an option in your relationship.

If you see this person is the right person for you, you like the person, then open your heart and make a decision and may Allah bless your marriage.

Some beautiful pictures taken during Abang Yu & Kak Madihah wedding ceremony at Kemaman and Kuala Terengganu recently.

Assalamu'alaykum Warahmatullah Wabarakatuh;

Assalamu'alaykum;

I just received this email from Brother Ahmed Ragab this morning.

To welcome our new Imam, Sheikh Ossama Mohamed Bahloul. Masjed Al-Iman, the Islamic Center of Murfreesboro, will be having a dinner at 6pm sharp on Sunday, April 27, 2008. Everyone is invited. There will be a lecture by Sheikh Osama after Maghrib prayer at 7:30pm until Isha prayer.

Sheikh Ossama is an Islamic Scholar with a Master’s Degree from Al-Azhar University in Cairo. He is planning a schedule including, insha'Allah:

- Family dinner - 1st Sunday of every month beginning in June
- Daily small lecture after Isha prayer.
- Weekly classes for women: one by Arabic and one by English
- Classes for new converts
- Classes for the youth
- Weekly Seera lecture - biography of prophet
- Weekly Fiqh lecture - knowledge of Islam
- Tajweed - correct recitation of Qur’an
- Weekly Fatwa session - answering questions according to Islam
- Every Saturday there will be a Maqra'ah - recitation and lecture for Men from Fajr until Sunrise, make Duha prayer - 2 rakat, then eat breakfast together (bring covered dish) beginning May 26th.
- Establishing Men’s soccer teams for the Masjed and playing soccer on weekly basis with other teams.

The Address of Masjed Al Iman is:

862 Middle Tennessee Blvd.
Murfreesboro, TN 37129
(615) 890 1551

Ahmed Ragab
Masjed Al-Iman President

Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah. Although Masjid Al Imam is located quite a far from campus, InsyaAllah I will try to participate in the programs, especially with the Maqra'ah, and the soccer team as well. It's certainly that I will be here for the summer, InsyaAllah.

Assalamu'alaykum;

Alhamdulillah, hari pengundian dan pemilihan bagi jawatankuasa baru Vanderbilt Muslim Student Association bagi sesi 2008/2009 berjalan dengan lancar pada April 10 2008. Begitu ramai pelajar yang hadir pada acara tersebut. Alhamdulillah, terima kasih tidak terhingga aku ucapkan kepada para pelajar yang sudi meluangkan masa hadir pada pertemuan cukup penting, bersejarah dan menjadi titik perubahan MSA Vanderbilt kali ini.

Sejarah menceritakan bahawa suatu ketika dahulu selepas berakhirnya era pelajar-pelajar Sarjana dari Arab Saudi memegang kepimpinan MSA dengan penuh berjaya alhamdulillah, sungguh kurang pelajar yang berminat dengan pentadbiran MSA. Malah ahli yang ada perlu merayu agar terlibat dalam pemilihan MSA kerana ketika itu calon yang ingin bertanding sungguh sedikit dan kurang.

Maka bermulalah era 'kitaran semula.'

Alhamdulillah, senario itu berubah pada tahun ini. Sudah ramai yang mengambil berat terhadap persatuan pelajar Muslim ini. Sudah ramai yang berasa mereka layak untuk diberi peluang memegang amanah, meneruskan perjalanan program Islam di kampus ini. Sudah ramai yang 'celik mata' bukan lagi buta selaku saksi terhadap prestasi MSA ini.

Penuh Butrick 202 pada malam itu. Terima kasih kepada yang sudi hadir. Seperti yang sudah aku tekankan berkali-kali, anda, ya, anda yang memahami bahasa tulisan aku ini, anda yang belajar di Vanderbilt, yang mengaku bahawa hanya Allah Tuhan yang disembah, dan Muhammad itu pesuruhNya, telah layak secara total untuk menjadi ahli MSA. MSA milik anda, bukan milik aku, Hasan, Baba, Nuruddeen dan lain-lain. Undi yang anda keluarkan amat penting dan berharga, siapa tahu, dengan undi anda itu, kepimpinan MSA dapat menggiatkan program Islam di kampus, kemudian ada yang bukan Islam tiba-tiba tertarik dengan program tersebut, dan dengan hidayah Allah, menerima Islam? Bukankah ada juga sedikit saham kita?

Bukankah untung besar namanya itu?

Usaha menyebarkan dakwah itu pelbagai. (Juga, nantikan entri aku selepas ini kerana aku mahu menerangkan suatu perkara berkaitan topik ini.)

7 daripada 11 nama yang aku kemukakan alhamdulillah dengan izin Allah, diberi kepercayaan untuk memegang kepimpinan MSA. Aku juga tidak menyangka ada bakat baru sebenarnya dalam MSA ini yang rupa-rupanya diam-diam ubi berisi.

Aku sendiri telah diberi amanah oleh pelajar Muslim yang hadir mengundi pada malam itu untuk menjaga hal ehwal dakwah di kampus - Da'wah Chair. Sesungguhnya aku benar-benar teruja dengan amanah yang diberikan kepadaku ini. Subhanallah, aku benar-benar berasakan, InsyaAllah aku mampu menjaga amanah ini dengan baik. Benar. Aku semacam rasa cocok dengan posisi ini. Aku sungguh-sungguh meminati dunia dakwah, dan pelantikan ini, sememangnya menyemarakkan lagi semangat, usaha, dan minat aku selama ini.

Sejak mula menjejakkan kaki ke Vanderbilt ini, aku sudah menyimpan keinginan untuk menyertai program-program perbincangan dan perbandingan agama, mengunjungi rumah-rumah ibadah bagi agama lain yang tidak pernah selama ini aku lakukan ketika di Malaysia untuk menerangkan berkenaan Islam, serta berusaha memaksimukan diri aku untuk terlibat dalam kegiatan menyebarkan pengetahuan berkaitan Islam.

Islam itu, pada pandangan kebanyakan bukan Islam, ialah Timur Tengah.

Islam itu, pada pandangan kebanyakan bukan Islam, ialah penindasan kepada wanita.

Islam itu, pada pandangan kebanyakan bukan Islam, ialah 9/11.

Islam itu, pada pandangan kebanyakan bukan Islam, ialah keganasan.

Terima kasih CNN, terima kasih Fox News, terima kasih.

Namun itu bukanlah halangan untuk kita menyampaikan perkara yang benar. Aku tertarik dengan kata-kata Yasser Arafat dalam ucapannya di Islamic Center of Nashville pada minggu lepas, Islam itu sudah terbukti benar, dan mengapa perlu takut untuk menyampaikan kebenaran? Yang benar tetap benar.

Aku sudah memulakan tugasan sebagai Da'wah Chair MSA yang baru. Sekiranya anda berpendapat bahawa aku boleh membantu anda menyalurkan idea berkaitan program MSA, silalah beritahu aku, ya. InsyaAllah, mari kita sama-sama berusaha menjalankan kegiatan dakwah. Tugas dakwah ini bukan hanya terletak pada diri aku semata-mata, malah kepada anda semua. Kita sepatutnya memiliki senaskah terjemahan Al-Qur'an, jadi sekiranya ada saja yang bertanya tentang Islam, hulur saja terjemahan Al-Qur'an itu, insyaAllah mudah-mudahan mereka diberi hidayah oleh Allah.

Di sini aku sertakan senarai penuh kepimpinan MSA bagi sesi 2008/2009.

Dr. Awadh Amir Binhazim- Adviser
abinhazim@mmc.edu

Hassan Atassi-President
hassan.atassi@vanderbilt.edu

Mohsinah Usmani- Vice President
mohsinah.usmani@vanderbilt.edu

Hana Nasr- Secretary
hana.m.nasr@vaderbilt.edu

Nadia Ansari- Treasurer
nadia.s.ansari@vanderbilt.edu

Khairul Amar Razali- Da'wah Chair
khairul.a.razali@vanderbilt.edu 615.579.1943

Imran Huda- Webmaster
imran.huda@vanderbilt.edu

Mohammad Muhaimin Aminuddin- Webmaster
mohammad.muhaimin.aminuddin@vanderbilt.edu

Neelam Khan-Publicity Chair
neelam.khan@vanderebilt.edu

Hubab Al Munzir Asmawi- Publicity Chair
hubab.a.asmawi@vanderbilt.edu

Ali Siddiqui- Social Chair
ali.a.siddiqui@vanderbilt.edu

Muhammad Rizwan Rozlan- Social Chair
muhammad.r.rozlam@vanderbilt.edu

Nur Izzati Iliyes- Social Chair
nur.izzati.iliyes@vanderbilt.edu

Nur Dayana Abd Rahman- Social Chair
nur.dayana.abd.rahman@vanderbilt.edu

Yasmin Nuru- Community Service Chair
y.nuru@vanderbilt.edu

Atif Choudhury- Community Service Chair
atif.a.choudhury@vanderbilt.edu

Aku berikrar untuk bekerja kuat dengan MSA, InsyaAllah. Aku akan berusaha untuk mengotakan apa yang telah aku katakan, dan aku mahu anda semua sama-sama, saling membantu untuk membangunkan MSA, dan sama-sama kita berdoa semoga Allah sentiasa membantu kita, dan semoga Allah memberi kejayaan kepada MSA sebagai platform menyuburkan kefahaman Islam di kampus ini, Ameen.

Peace be upon you. Salam.

Assalamu'alaykum;

This lecture was given by Imam Musa Azam, the Director of Co'ordinator of ICNA (Islamic Circle of North America), former Director of Religious Affairs of ICNA. Part 1 entitled Muslims in America: Challenges and Opportunities and the 2nd part was about Saving our Youth from Trials and Turmoil of Our Time.

Part 1: Muslims in America: Challenges and Opportunities